Crunch Time
Right on schedule, the libturds arrive to ruin—ruin!—the holidays for the poor, besieged MAGA snowflakes. Thankfully, the merry elves at The Late Show have arrived to make things right:
YouTube Video
Now available with anti-porn software. Merry Christmas, Speaker Johnson.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 20, 2023
Note: Please note, children, that if you lose the toys and goodies that fill the lower-extremity garment hanging from your fireplace on Christmas morning, there is a $50 stocking re-stocking fee, and it’s coming straight out of your allowance. —Mom & Dad Santa
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11 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Festivus: 3
Days 'til the New Year's Eve Great Sardine & Maple Leaf Drop up in Eastport, Maine (near FDR’s cottage on Campobello Island): 11
Expected unemployment rate at the end of 2024, versus 3.7% now: 4.4%
Amount for which Nippon Steel is buying US Steel: $14.9 billion
Number of Mainers who lost power during Monday's storm, equaling 1/3 of the state: 415,000
Total cost of all the gifts mentioned in the Twelve Days of Christmas carol this year, according to PNC's Christmas Price Index: $46,729.86
Age of Brad Pitt as of Monday: 60
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 3 false Christs and 1 salacious Xmas countdown). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Bite da bone, not da finguh…
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CHEERS to our top story of the day. While everyone else is focused on the—[takes deep breath]—deadly East Coast storm, erupting Iceland volcano, killer Chinese earthquake, Israel vs. Hamas and Ukraine vs. Russia wars, and Republican efforts to build a Fourth Reich, here at C&J we choose to filter out those distractions and concentrate on what's really important:
In related news, when asked about the flaming Saturn-sized hairball headed straight for Earth, NASA promised to get back to us via text once their escape pod reaches the nearest Goldilocks planet.
CHEERS and JEERS to dashing through the airspace corridors in a 10 20 35 50-dollars-per-carry-on-bag sardine can full of anti-vax cultists. Good news: holiday traffic is expected to be up again this year, meaning more of us are in a traveling mood. Bad news: if you're out in it, it's gonna suck tailpipe:
But still lurking out there: Covid-19 in all its new and nefarious mutations, along with the flu. So, to all the careless travelers from all the health care workers who will have to deal with their flooded lungs in a few weeks: Merry Middle Finger to you all.
CHEERS to territorial irony. On this date 220 years ago, the Louisiana Purchase was completed (though the formal transfer happened 10 days later) in a New Orleans ceremony with representatives of Joaquin Phoenix’s Napoleon's administration. Basically what happened was...
Why not, indeed. The land mass encompasses parts of Montana, South Dakota, North Dakota, Iowa, Kansas, Wyoming, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Nebraska. Imagine that—all "red" states who owe their existence to the kindness of…socialist France. Sacre bleu, pard'ner.
CHEERS to the Meeting of the Titans. 82 years ago today—two weeks after America was attacked at Pearl Harbor—President Franklin Roosevelt met with British Prime Minister Winston Churchill in Washington, D.C. (the Arcadia Conference) to plot their strategy against Germany and Japan. They came up with the following nine-point plan:
Thank god they both sobered up and started over. No one could be that dumb.
CHEERS to a fine sendoff. Sandra Day O'Connor, the first female justice on the SCOTUS, was funeralized yesterday at the National Cathedral because—[checks notes]—she died:
There was some confusion as to the number of mourners who attended her funeral. The final estimate was canceled when the Supreme Court stopped the recount.
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 20, 2013
CHEERS to getting the bad news out of the way early. Here it is, courtesy of The Guardian: 'Whole world' at risk from simultaneous droughts, famines, epidemics. The rest of today's C&J will be all rainbows sparkle ponies, I promise.
P.S. Don’t stand too close to the rainbows as they've been found to contain sulfurous gases. And keep the sparkle ponies away from children as they've been found to contain lead and cadmium.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the Pale Yellow Goddess. This is just a quick reminder that, as awesome as the Daily Kos’s intrepid bloggers are, there are amazing bloggers on other sites who help fuel the liberal netroots, and they deserve our support, too.
Indispensable truth teller Digby.
For example: how cool is it that Digby—aka Heather Parton—is on our team? She is one of the sharpest, most observant writers you'll find on the lefty tubes, and when you combine that with her Molly Ivins-like wit it's easy to see why "What Digby said..." has become the equivalent of the netroots bat signal—you see, you click. Digby holds her annual fundraiser this time of year so she can keep chasing after the bad guys. If you feel so inclined to send a little holiday cheer in her direction, here’s the link. (The donation buttons and snail mail address are on the upper left side of her page.) You won’t get much in return, though. Just the equivalent of a Ph.D. and…more Digby!
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Right on schedule, the libturds arrive to ruin—ruin!—the holidays for the poor, besieged MAGA snowflakes. Thankfully, the merry elves at The Late Show have arrived to make things right:
YouTube Video
-
Now available with anti-porn software. Merry Christmas, Speaker Johnson.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 20, 2023
Note: Please note, children, that if you lose the toys and goodies that fill the lower-extremity garment hanging from your fireplace on Christmas morning, there is a $50 stocking re-stocking fee, and it’s coming straight out of your allowance. —Mom & Dad Santa
-
11 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Festivus: 3
Days 'til the New Year's Eve Great Sardine & Maple Leaf Drop up in Eastport, Maine (near FDR’s cottage on Campobello Island): 11
Expected unemployment rate at the end of 2024, versus 3.7% now: 4.4%
Amount for which Nippon Steel is buying US Steel: $14.9 billion
Number of Mainers who lost power during Monday's storm, equaling 1/3 of the state: 415,000
Total cost of all the gifts mentioned in the Twelve Days of Christmas carol this year, according to PNC's Christmas Price Index: $46,729.86
Age of Brad Pitt as of Monday: 60
-
Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 3 false Christs and 1 salacious Xmas countdown). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Bite da bone, not da finguh…
-
CHEERS to our top story of the day. While everyone else is focused on the—[takes deep breath]—deadly East Coast storm, erupting Iceland volcano, killer Chinese earthquake, Israel vs. Hamas and Ukraine vs. Russia wars, and Republican efforts to build a Fourth Reich, here at C&J we choose to filter out those distractions and concentrate on what's really important:
In related news, when asked about the flaming Saturn-sized hairball headed straight for Earth, NASA promised to get back to us via text once their escape pod reaches the nearest Goldilocks planet.
CHEERS and JEERS to dashing through the airspace corridors in a 10 20 35 50-dollars-per-carry-on-bag sardine can full of anti-vax cultists. Good news: holiday traffic is expected to be up again this year, meaning more of us are in a traveling mood. Bad news: if you're out in it, it's gonna suck tailpipe:
AAA projects 115.2 million travelers will head 50 miles or more from home over the 10-day year-end holiday travel period. This year’s total number of domestic travelers is a 2.2% increase over last year and the second highest year-end travel forecast since 2000, when AAA began tracking holiday travel. 2019 remains the busiest Christmas and New Year’s travel period on record with 119 million travelers.
[Honk Hooonk!!!] “Watch where yer goin!” “F*ck you!”
Airports are expected to be the busiest they’ve ever been over the Christmas and New Year’s travel period. AAA projects 7.5 million air travelers this holiday season, surpassing 2019’s record of 7.3 million passengers. … The number of people traveling by other modes, like bus, train, and cruise, is projected to surpass 2019.
But still lurking out there: Covid-19 in all its new and nefarious mutations, along with the flu. So, to all the careless travelers from all the health care workers who will have to deal with their flooded lungs in a few weeks: Merry Middle Finger to you all.
CHEERS to territorial irony. On this date 220 years ago, the Louisiana Purchase was completed (though the formal transfer happened 10 days later) in a New Orleans ceremony with representatives of Joaquin Phoenix’s Napoleon's administration. Basically what happened was...
Napoleon's plans to re-establish France in the New World were unraveling.
My favorite Louisiana purchase.
The French army sent to suppress a rebellion by slaves and free blacks in the sugar-rich colony of Saint Domingue (present-day Haiti) had been decimated by yellow fever, and a new war with Britain seemed inevitable. France's minister of finance, François de Barbé-Marbois, who had always doubted Louisiana's worth, counseled Napoleon that Louisiana would be less valuable without Saint Domingue and, in the event of war, the territory would likely be taken by the British from Canada.
France could not afford to send forces to occupy the entire Mississippi Valley, so why not abandon the idea of empire in America and sell the territory to the United States?
Why not, indeed. The land mass encompasses parts of Montana, South Dakota, North Dakota, Iowa, Kansas, Wyoming, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Nebraska. Imagine that—all "red" states who owe their existence to the kindness of…socialist France. Sacre bleu, pard'ner.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the Meeting of the Titans. 82 years ago today—two weeks after America was attacked at Pearl Harbor—President Franklin Roosevelt met with British Prime Minister Winston Churchill in Washington, D.C. (the Arcadia Conference) to plot their strategy against Germany and Japan. They came up with the following nine-point plan:
1. Declare war on Canada.
2. Send too few troops to the field of battle.
3. Let out-of-control private mercenaries do much of the heavy lifting.
Roosevelt and Churchill light the 1941 Christmas tree.
4. Allow companies formerly run by the vice president to win no-bid contracts and rake in obscene profits while providing shitty services.
5. Ask for no sacrifice from the people and tell them to go shopping instead.
6. Don't give the troops the equipment they need to win battles and protect themselves, and then tell them that “You go to war with the army you have, not the army you want or wish to have at a later time.”
7. Botch the reconstruction.
8. Cut taxes at the same time—twice!
9. Leave office in disgrace six years later having failed to finish the job, and leave it to your successors to clean up the mess.
Thank god they both sobered up and started over. No one could be that dumb.
CHEERS to a fine sendoff. Sandra Day O'Connor, the first female justice on the SCOTUS, was funeralized yesterday at the National Cathedral because—[checks notes]—she died:
There was some confusion as to the number of mourners who attended her funeral. The final estimate was canceled when the Supreme Court stopped the recount.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: December 20, 2013
CHEERS to getting the bad news out of the way early. Here it is, courtesy of The Guardian: 'Whole world' at risk from simultaneous droughts, famines, epidemics. The rest of today's C&J will be all rainbows sparkle ponies, I promise.
P.S. Don’t stand too close to the rainbows as they've been found to contain sulfurous gases. And keep the sparkle ponies away from children as they've been found to contain lead and cadmium.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the Pale Yellow Goddess. This is just a quick reminder that, as awesome as the Daily Kos’s intrepid bloggers are, there are amazing bloggers on other sites who help fuel the liberal netroots, and they deserve our support, too.
Indispensable truth teller Digby.
For example: how cool is it that Digby—aka Heather Parton—is on our team? She is one of the sharpest, most observant writers you'll find on the lefty tubes, and when you combine that with her Molly Ivins-like wit it's easy to see why "What Digby said..." has become the equivalent of the netroots bat signal—you see, you click. Digby holds her annual fundraiser this time of year so she can keep chasing after the bad guys. If you feel so inclined to send a little holiday cheer in her direction, here’s the link. (The donation buttons and snail mail address are on the upper left side of her page.) You won’t get much in return, though. Just the equivalent of a Ph.D. and…more Digby!
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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